


There Is No “I Guess” In Love, Shinji

by Tachi_Sakon



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Implied Relationships, M/M, Song Lyrics, Songs, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:29:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tachi_Sakon/pseuds/Tachi_Sakon
Summary: () Not that way, I wasn't born to lose youI want youI want youI want you, so bad ()
Relationships: Ikari Shinji & Nagisa Kaworu, Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu
Comments: 12
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

_Nagisa Kaworu loves Ikari Shinji._

_ Ikari Shinji loves Nagisa Kaworu.  _

_ And that’s all there is to it.  _

  
  
Or so Kaworu hoped.

  
  


* * *

  


“Say Ikari-Kun,” 

“Yes, Kaworu-Kun?” 

Kaworu leaned back on his palm and faced the sky before him, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. “It’s a beautiful night, don’t you think?” 

“Huh?” Shinji murmured, his eyes fluttering as he struggled to keep them open. Craning his neck, he quickly looked up at the pink and orange skies before reburying his face in his arms with a sigh. “Oh.. I suppose?”

“But,” Kaworu smiled, prompting the brunette to raise his head from his arms and gaze up at him as he opened his eyes, “in my eyes, there is something much more beautiful.” 

“What might that be?” 

Kaworu’s smile widened. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he chided gently. He watched gleefully as the other’s cheeks flushed pleasantly and slowly swung himself forwards until their faces were within inches of each other’s. “If fact, I think that you might already know.” He breathed, leaning in closer into Shinji’s personal space, his once gentle smile now rapidly morphing into a mischievous smirk. “You’ve seen him before many times.”

“I-I highly doubt that!” Shinji stammered as he leaned back away from the proximity of his and the angel’s faces on instinct. “And, _him?!”_

“Is that so?” Kaworu laughed. “Yes, you heard me.” He said to a shocked Shinji. “Indeed, I said _him.”_

“Yes, I’m sure that I don’t know! I definitely don't know!”

“Are you sure?” 

“Y-yes! So please stop teasing and just tell me, Kaworu-Kun!” 

“I like when you beg,” 

Shinji spluttered and grasped his blouse in his fists, panting and chest heaving. “Kaworu-Kun!  My heart can’t take this!” 

Kaworu heaved a sigh. “Alright,” he muttered as he shifted and raised his arms, gently wrapping them around Shinji’s waist and tugging the brunette close to him until he was nearly in his lap. Slowly flipping Shinji around so that he was facing the pinkening skies again, Kaworu ignored the mortified splutters that he extracted from him. 

“Try not to move around so much,” Kaworu whispered to Shinji, chortling as he felt him stiffen at his touch. “Don’t be so stiff. It’s not like I’ll bite.” 

“I don’t know that!” 

“Don’t you trust me?” Kaworu cooed resting his chin atop the junction between Shinji’s right shoulder and neck, nuzzling the spot with his face. 

Shinji sighed and nodded reluctantly. “I guess I do,” he sighed, looking up at Kaworu, unsure.

Kaworu frowned. “There is no ‘I guess’ in love, Shinji!” 

This successfully got Kaworu a soft laugh from the shorter adolescent, making him smile. 

“Okay, okay!” Shinji chuckled. “I do trust you.” 

“Good.”   
  


“So,” Shinji muttered.   


Kaworu nuzzled his nose into his shoulder as an answer. “Hm?”   


“Will you tell me who it is now?”

  
Kaworu smirked against Shinji’s blouse before taking a hand and grabbing the brunette’s chin, yanking it and pulling him closer to his face as he lifted his own. Locking gazes, Kaworu’s calm and mischievous one with Shinji’s nervous and excited one, the angel beamed, 

“ _I want you!_ ”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahhahahaahha angst machine went brrrRRRR

“ M-me?!”  Shinji shouted, scrambling away from Kaworu’s hold and stumbling backwards onto his back. 

Kaworu tilted his head and nodded. “Yes.” He answered simply with a small smile. “Last time I checked the only Shinji Ikari-Kun that I know is you.” His smile morphed into a soft smirk. “And if there happen to be anymore; clones or whatever they may be, in midst all that, you are the only one I want.” 

“T-the only one.. y-you want?!” 

Kaworu nodded silently, soft smirk still in place as Shinji self destructed. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, the angel smiled to himself. He expected Shinji to deny his confession— well, if you could call it one. He expected Shinji to be flustered and try to get Kaworu to say that he was joking or to laugh at him. 

But Kaworu wasn’t going to do that. 

Because he loved Shinji and his feelings were true. Because he wanted Ikari Shinji to be his, and only his. He wanted the brunette to understand that, for him to know and feel what it was like to have someone love him. He wanted for Shinji to stop denying his obvious feelings for him in return and let him accept it. 

He wanted him, and that was all there was to it. 

“Say, Kaworu-Kun..” 

Kaworu nodded, “Hm?” 

Shinji bit his lip and clenched his fists in his lap, refusing to meet Kaworu’s eyes, even when the angel leaned in, concern clear in his body language. 

“Shinji, what is it?” 

“Don’t call me by my first name.” Shinji whispered, clenching his fists together until he could feel them begin to crack. “ _Please_ ,” 

Kaworu immediately reached out and grabbed Shinji’s hands in his, pulling them out of his lap, red eyes wide. “Stop doing that, you’ll hurt yourself!” 

“I don’t care,” 

“I do!” 

A tense silence surrounded the two adolescents, thick and suffocating around them. 

“When will you quit joking around,” 

“What do you mean?” Kaworu whispered, still grasping Shinji’s hands in his own, holding tight even when the brunette made to pull them away. “What do you mean.” 

Shinji gave a shaky laugh and hung his head, his bangs falling over his eyes. “I know that you’re joking.” He stammered, tripping horribly over his tongue in his haste to hurry and take the blow and leave. “I know that you’re joking and after you’ll just laugh in my face..” Shinji whimpered quietly and grit his teeth, “.. just like everyone else always does.” 

Kaworu gaped at Shinji, trying to pull him into a hug, but the brunette refused his attempts. 

“Ikari-Kun—” he trailed off and swallowed thickly as something glistened from Shinji’s face. Suddenly, the angel had nothing to say. The only thing on his mind was the fact that Shinji hadn’t accepted him. That those were tears running down the other’s face, that only broken hearts were what sounded when he had intended to see smiles and hear laughing. 

_ Shinji was crying—  _

_Because of him.. again_. 

Breaking Kaworu’s train of thoughts, Shinji’s tearstrained voice muttered, “Please don’t pull this kind of joke again.. my heart can’t take it.” 

“T-this isn’t a joke.” Kaworu found himself stammering, suddenly so desperate. 

“Kaworu-Kun..” 

That was it. Kaworu couldn’t take it. 

Everything happened in a blur; Shinji gasping in surprise and Kaworu letting go of his hands and grabbing him by his face, pulling him close, so close that their lips were just barely touching, only mere centimeters away. 

“K-Kaworu-Kun—” Shinji began, but the angel cut him off. 

“Shut up Shinji,” Kaworu growled, gripping the brunette’s face tighter, mushing his cheeks in his palms. “ _Just shut up_.” 

Shinji fell silent at Kaworu’s sudden anger and went limp in his grip, tearing eyes and blotchy cheeks, complete with a snotty nose on full display. Kaworu didn’t care. He wanted Shinji, he wanted all of him and his crying face was no exception. 

When someone wanted all of someone, they wanted  _ all _ . 

  
_No matter what._  
  


“ _Don’t_ you tell me that my feelings for you are a joke _ever again._ ” Kaworu hissed, thumbing away Shinji’s tears gently despite himself. “I would _never_ lie to you about something like this.” 

Shinji let out a broken wail that made Kaworu’s heart clenched painfully. “But—”

“No buts, Shinji. I need you to listen to me.” Kaworu murmured, gentling considerably and bumping their foreheads together, eyes full of affection. “Will you please listen to me?” 

Shinji sniffled and nodded against Kaworu’s palms. “Okay..” he muttered, voice shaking pitifully. 

Nodding and pressing a kiss to Shinji’s cold nose, Kaworu took his cue. Taking a deep breath, he made sure that Shinji listened to him through and through.

_ The guilty undertaker sighs _

Shinji let out tiny cries and Kaworu stroked his cheeks and sang to him. 

_The lonesome organ grinder cries_

“ He cries like you,” Kaworu whispered, earning a watery laugh.” 

_ The silver saxophones say  _

“I love you so much, Shinji.” Kaworu murmured kissing his nose again before moving to caress his blotchy cheeks with his lips. “I want you so much.” 

_ I should refuse you  _

“Never will I refuse you, not have I considered it. I’ve wanted you ever since I first laid eyes on you.” 

_ The cracked bells and washed-out horns  _

“God I love you.” 

_ Blow into my face with scorn, but it's  _

Kaworu kissed all along Shinji’s face with soft  smacks,  taking his sweet time, giving all his attention to his affection’s beautiful face. 

_Not that way, I wasn't born to lose you_

“Never,” 

_ I want you  _

“I want you.” 

_ I want you  _

“ So bad,” 

_ I want you, so bad  _

Kaworu stopped in front of Shinji’s mouth, his lips ghosting over his; practically begging for entrance. 

_ Honey, I want you  _

“Can I?” He breathed. 

Shinji took a deep breath. He never thought that this was going to happen to him, that he would end up in such a position, that it would be with Kaworu, but here he was. Nodding, he whispered: 

“ _Please do._ ”


End file.
